I really have no idea what to say about this one. Brilliant is certainly one word that comes to mind, as does crazy, insane and suicidal. Al-Sayed al-Essawy is a 25 year old Egyptian who plans to commemorate the Egyptian revolution by fighting a lion. Al-Essawy wants to single-handedly revitalize the Egyptian economy and motivate the youth of Egypt to soon take on the American and Israeli regimes and, clearly, the best way for him to do so is by fighting a lion in front of the pyramids. Unfortunately, not everyone understands his noble intentions and it is weighing on the man:
I think it’s time we start celebrating genuine talent. For years we’ve been celebrating nothing but sex. I’ve taught children how to chew glass and pull cars with their teeth – the proof is on YouTube. I can raise a generation of super soldiers. I’ve jumped from ten-story buildings, I’ve hung myself many times and have been repeatedly run over. So, when I say I have the intellect and strength to take a lion down, people should take me seriously. Why isn’t anyone listening to me? I don’t know, but it’s very frustrating…
No, I need more lion fighting quotations…
I discovered my incredible strength at the age of 13, and, almost immediately afterwards, promised myself that, one of these days, I would fight a lion. Since then, I’ve been thinking about the best way to go about it, and, after the revolution, with the economy the way it is, I’ve been given the perfect opportunity to realize my dream.
Well, still not enough…
When I defeat the lion – which I will – I will pull an Israeli flag out of my pocket, and drape it over the lion, and put my foot on it. Israel led me to this, through all their atrocities which, as a child, I grew up watching on television. The message is that even though Israel and America may be as strong as a lion – the strongest creature on the planet – they too can be defeated.
Crazy enough? No?
I have a whole series of shows planned in my head. I will pull an airplane with my teeth, and I will pull an airplane with my hair. I will also be run over by an airplane. In between each of these acts, there will be lion battles.
Let’s finish it with some questions:
Al-Masry: How are you training for this specific event?
Essawy: By doing a series of mental exercises. Nothing physical, just brain-training. I visualize the fight for two hours at a time. I visualize the lion, and all the possible ways it could attack. Will it go for the head, or will it grab me by the feet? I ask myself these questions and visualize how I will dodge these attacks.
Al-Masry: What about the lion? Have you been preparing it for the fight by provoking it in any way? Maybe abusing it physically or even verbally, like with trash talk?
Essawy: No, I don’t spend any time with the lion at all; I haven’t even given it a name. I don’t want to get too attached to it. It’s on a friend’s farm, and he’s responsible for it until the day of the battle. I’d also like to point out that the lion will not be tranquilized, and I will give it a blood test directly before the fight in order to prove it.
Al-Masry: What combat techniques will you be implementing against the lion? Will you use martial arts, or will you be resorting to regular street-fighting tactics, like dirt in the eye and crotch-punches?
Essawy: I don’t know about the dirt, but the lion will probably not let me punch its crotch. I will have to use a new fighting style I’ve developed, which is called “Life or Death.” This will be a caged fight, and I will be desperate to survive, which is why I’ve called the style “Life or Death.”
Al-Masry: As in a ‘life or death’ situation, like “kill or be killed?”
Essawy: That’s right.
Al-Masry: Even though you’re not going to kill the lion…
Essawy: That’s right.